Please take a long hard look through your textbook…

’cause I’m history.

Today is officially the start of my last year as a BA student. I moved into my new house about two weeks ago, and tomorrow I have my first lecture for this year- a general meeting with all second and third year students. My first actual lectures are on Friday- two hours of Greek Tragedy, then an hour of Greek. The other module I’ve chosen for this year is The Art and Architecture of Asia Minor, and then of course I have my dissertation.

Dissertation

So, my dissertation. I’m currently researching it, as a week from now I have to hand in a 250 word plan and register my topic. I’ve decided to do it on something around neo-classicsm, and the influence of the Grand Tour. Frustratingly, Channel Four have chosen this moment to show ‘Kevin McCloud’s Grand Tour’, yesterday’s episode of which was (as phrased by my mother) “exactly what you’re doing for your dissertation”. I don’t want people to think I’ve got my idea from a television programme, and I don’t want other people to choose the same topic as me, and have the whole year become a fight for the same books (especially if they’re better than me, and my dissertation looks like a piece of GCSE coursework in comparison.

House

The last entry I wrote was about my housemates. G has moved into university accommodation, and for the last few nights, has been out socialising with his new flatmates. I wouldn’t say that I’m jealous, but quite a lot of me wishes that I’d got into university accommodation  (I applied, secretly, even though I’d agreed to live with my now housemates). Tonight, my housemates, have “secretly”, by which I mean that they’ve tried to make it so that I don’t know, agreed to go out. It’s with friends of theirs which I don’t know particularly, but frankly, I feel left out. It’s the way that they’ve tried to make it so I don’t know that gets to me, basically saying they really really don’t want me to be there.

House mates/hates

I generally get on well with my housemates. Our house, compared to some I’ve seen or heard about, is a bastion of friendliness and cleanliness. However, plenty of things still aggravate me. Most of these have been issues which I’ve been tempted to blog about for ages, but haven’t got around to either because I wanted to write an angry “grrr, I hate this shit hole” type of blog, or because I’m always paranoid that people will take what I’ve written in the wrong way. I don’t make many attempts to hide my identity, and most of the people who read this blog are friends or acquaintances in real life. It’s too late to change names, as I’d have to go through a good two and a half years of entries to erase everything and my blog will still pop up when you google my name.

I could make a list of things which annoy me, such as my cutlery constantly being taken, food spills left on the counter, hair on the shower walls etc etc etc, but it would be long and boring, and pretty vindictive. The fact that one of my housemates (Housemate 1) seems not to be able to clear up her mess annoys me. She thinks she does, but leaving spills of tomato sauce to crust onto the work surface or bits of stir fry strewn across the cooker bothers me a lot more than a couple of unwashed plates.

She and her boyfriend have also decided that he now lives in our house. I don’t mind the fact that they want to spend time together, and when he only stayed round a couple of nights a week it was bearable. Now however, he actually lives here. Rent and bill free, might I add. To cap it off, he’s unemployed, so is spending the whole day hanging around, using our water, electricity and gas. I don’t know if he pays something towards her share of the bills, but I don’t really think that’s fair. He has a house in Leamington, but lives here. It makes no sense! According to Housemate 1, next year he’ll be going to Birmingham University. To this, I replied something along the lines of “Oh, that’s cool. It’ll be nice that you won’t be living too far apart”.

Contrary to my expectations- that he would be living on campus or nearby, like a normal student- she replied that he would be living with her most of the time. Everyone I’ve talked to thinks this isn’t on. I don’t dislike him, but it annoys me to see his feet all over the sofa like it’s his house. Next year, we’ll also be living in a much smaller house- for three people. If she’d asked if he could live with us next year, we could have looked for a four bedroom house and it wouldn’t have been a problem. This morning, when I went into the bathroom, it was ridiculous. He’d just been in there, and there was water all over the floor, shaving foam smeared on the mirror and the taps, and hair all over the bath. I wouldn’t treat my own bathroom like that, let alone one in a house where I was a guest. The other day, I was taking a shower, and when I came out of the bathroom, he was standing right outside the door. To me, that was a little creepy. I was only wearing a towel, and although I don’t mind my housemates seeing me like that, I don’t want some random guy to. What was he achieving by waiting outside in the first place? If you need to use the bathroom and it’s occupied, most people would just come back in a couple of minutes.

Housemate 1 and him also had what sounded like a massive argument the other day. He had been out, and then he must have arrived back because I suddenly heard doors slamming, so viciously that I swear the house shook. I then heard shouting, more slamming doors and so on. Later, I went downstairs to get a cup of tea, and Boyfriend 1 is in the living room. As I walk back into the hall, I can hear Housemate 1 crying from inside her room. I don’t want them to break up in that I don’t want Housemate 1 to be unhappy, but it would make the house situation for next year much more convenient.

Regarding next year, I’m going to see how it goes. However, I’m going to put my foot down when it comes to bills. Everyone I’ve talked to about it seems to think that it’s unfair for him to live rent and bill free. My gran especially thinks so. I’m going to say that if he agrees to pay his quarter of bills then I don’t mind him living there. I’m also going to have a word about him getting his act together regarding cleaning the house, perhaps later this week if I have the time. I shouldn’t have to clean up his mess in the bathroom, and since he’s the only one in the house who isn’t studying or with a job, and who isn’t paying any bills, it only seems fair that he should be the one responsible for cleaning!

I will update later on the situation, and if I ever become brave and not passive aggressive (which I’m very good at) enough to say anything, rather than whine on the internet.

Brussel sprouts and the BNP

Hilarious. On the first page of results for images of “Hornchurch library” is a photo from my blog;

A stunning photo of a brussel spout inside an art book. I think this says a lot about Havering Library services.

In more important news, I’ve been watching the EU election results on TV with Giles and his housemates. It’s really depressing how many people have voted for the BNP and UKIP (BNP especially). I guess there’s enough about that on the internet already though. Suffice to say, I’m glad that I voted, and annoyed with people who didn’t because “they couldn’t be bothered” or “it wouldn’t make a difference”, like my housemates.

Egg fried rice redux recipe

Ages ago, I posted an egg fried rice recipe onto my blog :http://andgreyskies.wordpress.com/2007/01/04/28/. Here is the new and improved version, as eaten by me for dinner! Nom nom nom.

Egg Fried Rice Redux

Ingredients
One serving of white rice (I don’t know how much rice, I just throw what looks right into the pan)
One large egg
Diced spring onions
Light soy sauce
Olive oil
Sweet chilli (dipping) sauce
Salt

1. Boil the rice until it’s nearly cooked, soft but still has some bite to it. Set it aside in a covered bowl and let it cool.
2. Beat the egg, adding a little soy sauce as you go. Heat a reasonable amount of oil in your wok or frying pan.
3. Add the rice and onions to the pan, making sure it is all getting heated through. Add soy sauce and salt to taste.
4. When the rice is warm, push it to one side of the pan and pour roughly half of the egg into the cleared space.
5. Let the egg begin to form a omelette on the bottom, but while the top still remains raw and liquid. Swirl it with chopsticks or a fork, and mix into the rice.
6. Gradually add the rest of the egg onto the mix, making sure it cooks thoroughly and mixes into the rice, sticking it together.
7. Add the chilli sauce to taste, mixing it well into the rice.
8. Serve and enjoy!

Maps won’t show us where we’re going…

Exams are coming up, and I’ve resolved to keep a record of my life. For a short while, I used dailyboooth, but as usual, I just got bored and gave up. After my last post, protected because it contained events which are not for the general public, things have gone along as normal. The Easter holidays have come and gone, my last essay has been handed in, and the highs and lows of everyday life carry on.

Since I last properly blogged, half the names in my blogroll have ceased to exist, or have moved sites. I guess the internet is like that- transient. Blogs are kind of ephemeral- in some senses they’re very real- you can look at them, interact with them- but then they’re gone, and it’s like they never existed. I think the appeal of writing a blog is the same as writing a diary or taking photos for me, two things I’ve always been a little obsessed with. It’s the recording of life, the making it solid and making memories real. I’ll be the first to admit that I look over my old blogs, and when I was sorting out my room so it could be redecorated, I read every diary or record that I found. I used to have a habit (I’m not sure whether it was a bad one) of writing dated corrections and comments in my diaries. For example, if I’d written that I’d had an argument and would never forgive someone, three months later, there might be a correction, saying that I had sorted something out. It’s interesting to look over, although I’m not sure what it says about me.

It feels weird that I’m going to be twenty in less than two months. I can remember being young, thinking that eleven or twelve was old, and that eighteen was inestimatley old. I guess that the real shock hits when I’m twenty one, and will have finished university entirely, hopefully be going on to study a master’s degree, and then onto a phd. Maybe in six or seven years time, I’ll be looking over this, and correcting it, where I’ve taken a totally different life path?

Internet

I was talking to my friend Matt the other day, and we started to talk about how we’re now bored online. We first met on the internet (through deviantART, to be precise), and being the nerdy kids we were, spent lots of our time online. However, now we just can’t remember what we used to spend all that time doing. I guess as I’ve got older I’ve started to spend more time out ‘in the real world’- studying, going out with friends, spending time with my partner, and so on. I just have nothing to do online after I’ve checked my emails, facebook, webcomics. Of course, these three things still mean I go online every day (sad, I know), but I don’t spend the hours and hours online that I used to.

I guess part of this is due to the way I’m not really part of any communities online any more. I don’t go on any forums, I’m hardly on dA… and probably due to this, I’ve lost touch with most of my online friends. I feel a bit sad when I think of how I’ve lost touch with so many awesome people, but unlike people irl (heh), it’s hard to get back into a close friendship with someone you’ve barely spoken to for one or two years. Things change, and people do. Maybe I’ve just grown up and don’t want to spend my whole life online?

Funnily enough, when you google my name or username it’s still me you find then. I’m worryingly easy to internet stalk.

Promises, promises.

You can tell that I’m supposed to be writing an essay by the fact that I’m writing in my blog. As I never got round to writing one of last year’s many essays, I’ve decided to essentially ‘retake’ it, and do another in the holidays. Naturdally, this decision was made with the best intentions. However, the less than scintillating question (“How did the Punic Wars shape Rome’s policy of Imperialism?”) and the fact that I’ve got used to lazing about and not using my brain for anything more strenuous than reading a novel have meant that I haven’t even started. I’m kind of dreading it- I feel like not only have I forgotten everything I learnt last year, but even as I’ve been writing this, I’ve had to think how to spell words. Perhaps all my fears are coming true that once I stop writing, I lose any skills I once had?

I like a feature on livejournal, actually. I’ve seen it on Rachael’s blog before- ‘writer’s block’. It’s basically a question, given by livejournal, to provide bloggers with a prompt. It seems like something which would actually get me writing, and I’m thinking about referencing them into my entries here from now on. Although it wouldn’t be half as seamless as if I transferred to a livejournal blog, I far prefer wordpress and I’m thinking about moving this journal over to a domain name which I own (andgreyskies.com), if I can work out how to. I expect I’l have far more to write about when I’m back at university, as opposed to a holiday spent lurking on the internet and looking forward to seeing people.

However, I’ve started my ‘photo-a-day’ project, which can be found at http://42for365.deviantart.com. I’ve just about managed to keep it up so far, but I worry that my photographs are low-quality and just taken because I don’t want to give up, rather than actually helping me to improve or displaying anything interesting. Perhaps if I keep it up I’ll gradually grow to learn to actually take my camera out with me, rather than having to rely on my phone.

I sometimes wonder if there’s any point me having this any more if I never write in it.

Welcome back, perhaps?

I have resolved to write in here again. But, for some reason, keeping any kind of diary seems to be so much harder when I’m happy, however much spare time I have. Spare time is something I have a lot of at the moment, as I haven’t been able to find a job when I’ve had the motivation to look. Most of the time is spent moping around the house, looking forward to seeing my boyfriend again, spending time with Matt when he’s not at work or seeing his boyfriend, or every week or so going to drink with my school friends. It’s developed into an odd routine, and I although I could probably find some work, it just feels like too much effort. I’ve also got an essay to do which I’ve made the single concession towards of going to the local library to attempt to order in some books- only two of which they had copies of which they could order in. It’s ridiculous.

I went to Budapest for a week with one of the societies at my university, and you can see some of my photographs on flickr here. Apart from that, and having Giles stay with me for a while, I haven’t really done much with my holiday. Naturally I’ve had interesting things happen, but I seem to have lost those at some point. Perhaps an enforced blogging would bring things back?

I’m also probably going to begin the ‘photo-a-day’ project sometime soon, and those will most likely be uploaded.

Here in your arms…

I’ve had “Here in Your Arms” by Hellogoodbye stuck in my head for the past few days. It’s never been my favourite or theirs, but it’s growing on me. Perhaps its because I’m all soppy and loved up and the sun is shining?

Despite the love and the sunshine, exams are still looming over my head like a gigantic raincloud. I don’t think I’ve ever revised properly for exams before these, and now I think I’m going way into the other direction. I’ve calmed down since going to London, but after revising for nine hours solidly, I think I’m taking it too far. The worst thing will be if I fail after revising this much. I’m worried about Latin, so worried that I think I’m actually developing a phobia to it. I feel sick when I even look at the folder, let alone open it. Again, I think this goes back to what I’ve discussed so bloody many times that I’m sure any readers I have left are sick and tired of it. If I don’t try and fail, then I’m lazy. If I try and fail, I’m stupid and a failure. Trying for the last Latin test and still not even managing to get 40% , although I’ll never admit it in anything but a textbox, made me so upset that I wanted to quit university on the spot.

To put it bluntly; if I fail this year at university, I’m not trying again. For one thing, I know that I can’t afford it. My parents have said that they aren’t prepared to support me if I fail, and that’s reasonable enough. There’s no way that I can support myself on loans alone. I’d have to get a full-time job as well as studying, which would inevitably lead to me burning out and ending up under a train somewhere. I don’t know what I will do. I know that I’m intelligent, I know that I should be able to pass- in fact, I know that I should almost certainly pass my other modules. It’s this stupid, stupid Latin which will bring me down. I have to smile at the thought of a dead language killing someone, but at least I’d go out with a laugh.

Diverting from that dark alleyway of thought, I’ve got a lot of things to look forward to at the moment. After exams have finished, I have a long summer ahead of me, which will hopefully be spent in the company of friends and loved ones. I’ve also got a few parties already to go to after exams, and the thought that I’ll be 1/3 through my degree! My holiday to Budapest is also something I’m looking forward to, although I’m a little apprehensive- but then, I always am when visiting somewhere I’ve never been before. And perhaps I won’t get ID’d so damn much when I’m nineteen!

It doesn’t feel like nearly a year since my eighteenth birthday. This time last year I was..

• talking about starsigns and the little things of my life (http://andgreyskies.wordpress.com/2007/06/01/cest-fantastique/)
• and listing what I wanted for my birthday (http://andgreyskies.wordpress.com/2007/06/02/birthday-capitalism/)

Well, I’m still a Gemini, I’ve discussed my life of the moment- revision, oh joy! But I don’t know what I want for my birthday. Nice wads of cash, I guess, but then who wouldn’t like that? I don’t really care about birthday presents in the sense that I want people to give me lots. It’s nice to know someone’s thinking about you, but it doesn’t need a gift to prove that. I must be the most low-maintenance friend/ girl-friend.

This time last year I was in a relationship with Michael, which seems weird to think now. Although I enjoyed going out with him, it was nowhere near perfect, now I think back on it. In the end, having him break up with me has made me realise that I need to be less of a push-over a lot of the time. I was a push over for what must have been the whole of our relationship. I can only recall one time when I actually got annoyed with him for something- standing me up twice in a row, I believe. This is not to say he took advantage of it- Michael’s still a great friend and high in my estimations- but I can’t believe the things I put up with. The whole Ashleigh situation, which I am not going into right now, for example. Giles has only made me cry once or twice, I think, in the whole of our relationship, and I can be a veritable fountain at times. Michael however… well, I don’t think I cried in front of him 80% of the time, but I spent a fair time by myself upset, like the little emo kid I am. This is painting a bad picture of Michael, but I think what I’m trying to say is that not being such a push-over has made this relationship so much better. Or perhaps Giles and I are awesome, and that’s the reason things are so good. I think I’ll go with the second hypothesis.

Talking about relationships, in the past few months I seem to have had some weird phase of being (shock) attractive to people. I must have mentioned Ben, but it seems that a few other people seem to have had crushes on me. I know I’m not hideous, but I’m no Helen. Odder still, all of the people interested in me (that I’m not in a relationship with), I’d turn down. Hilariously, it seems that I attract the nerdy-nerdy types. Perhaps it’s the glasses or the touchscreen phone or the fact when you google my name, I’m the first hit? Anyway, although I do tend to go for some nerdy guys, it’s going more towards the hipster-nerd type. I also like personal hygiene, which some (cough cough) of those who seem to be interested in me don’t.

Ugh. Anyway, before I get more bitchy, I’m going to bed. Last night I stayed up til 6am tidying my pigsty of a room, and I intended to get to bed at 2 tonight- something which has failed miserably, 1030 words later although I’m in pyjamas.

Short but sweet.

Suffice to say, the past two days were worth the lack of revision, worth the travelling, worth all the responsibilities I’ve put off.

I never like to write good things down here, perhaps because it always seems to jinx them somehow. But I want to write it. (suffice to say) I love him, and it’s fantastic.

Fin. <3